Thursday, July 1, 2010

A Day to Forget

Spending a day in the company of my male coworkers. They are wearing fancy suits and each has the latest model of an i-phone, i-pad, i-whatever. They are composed and competent at the business meeting, eloquent speakers, persuasive sellers. But being on the train with them was like being in a war zone. They were laughing so hard people would get up and move to the next train car. Their jokes, their hard core humor. Everybody and everything gets ridiculed. Diminished. Mixed with dirt. The voices penetrated my head, my brain, my spirit. Their fits of laughter like tsunami plunging on me, each wave hurting me more and more. Endless stories beginning with “we were so drunk that …” What is THIS? Who ARE you? What are you SAYING? I was in a slow-motion horror movie. My energy was destroyed, spirit crushed, their ridiculous stories hitting me like rocks thrown at an unprotected body.

I didn’t say much. I could only manage an awkward out-of-place smile. Endless trip, endless meeting, endless torture. I was probably in the center of their cruel jokes the minute I escaped. The day ended but I felt no relief. I was DAMAGED! I wish I could erase the whole day out of my memory. But it keeps coming back as if I froze in astonishment.

How can we protect ourselves from ignorant cold-hearted people who seem to dominate the world? Werewolves in suits. Well-groomed monsters. No soul behind their corporate language. If the whole business world is like that – I don’t want it. I don’t want to be part of it with my awkward smile and terrified mind. I am a woman. I am sensitive. I am vulnerable. I am not them, nothing like them, don’t want to be them. I anticipate a big career change. If a job has no soul I don’t want it. If I need to lie I don’t want it. If I have no will to care I don’t want it. If I am to be surrounded by cold, ignorant ruthless men I don’t want it. I don’t want to let the corporate life hurt me even more than it already did.


  1. Oh Aysel, I send you lots of love and light that will overshadow those damaging moments.
    I wish for the light to send these horrid energies to a place where they can be cleaned.
    I am so with you that people are so damaging with their behavior, their thoughts and their ignorant acts. They pollute for sure.
    I agree, if there is a way to avoid that energy, do it. If you are still in it, surround yourself with light, retreat into it, bath in it. There is not much else you can do with these people and I do not even try to correct them, but you can protect yourself. Once more of us carry light, we eventually carry them with us and this behavior will stop. Until then, when there is still not enough light, they will continue to pollute unfortunately.
    It is not selfish to protect yourself, at least there is a clean oasis amongst the muck.
    Much love, Wilma

  2. Hi Wilma,

    Thank you for your light, love and support - I could definitely use more of the good energy now. I am recovering from the damage - thank goodness it was a one day event - but I am still in shock from how much harm was caused. As if I was stripped of all the will and power to fight off the bad vibes and my body and mind got fully soaked during those several hours. Intoxicated is how I feel. I hope that eventually I will get it out of my system but I should probably think of ways to protect myself in the future, to block my perception and not to absorb so much bad destructive energy.

    "at least there is a clean oasis amongst the muck" - I loved that! :)


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