Thursday, May 20, 2010

Coming Back from a Different World

I think I’ve been mixing up the reality with imaginary world for a while. On the other hand invisible doesn’t mean surreal – my perception of things and emotions felt very real to me, they are just not the kind to share… Any way coming back from a different world evoked some serious thinking – is there a way to combine two realities: the one that’s in my head and the one perceived not just by me but also by those around me. And I need to find a way otherwise it will haunt me as some unhealthy obsession. At one point I began to fear that I am losing my sanity but labeling anything out of ordinary as crazy is probably not the right solution. Let’s call it being different: some people look at a person from the standard set - name, age, occupation, hobbies, etc… I see way beyond this : I try to grasp the soul – feelings, emotions, fear, pain. I try to see right through the external shell and get to the core of it which I call the truth. It’s not subjective because it’s not thought over, it’s felt on the intuitive level and can hardly be explained.

What scared me the most these days is how seeing through people affected me emotionally, up to the point of shaking and almost suffocating. I wish I had the explanation. You meet someone’s gaze for a split second and begin to shake. You are hit by the power of one’s eyes. Having visions was an even bigger puzzle. Let’s say you keep a normal conversation with a person but on some parallel level the two of you in a tight hug - and you see both realities simultaneously. I am not afraid because the development of things cheers me up in a way, but I can clearly see that it’s hurting me too. I’ve been fighting the gravity that was pulling me with surprising power and the worst (or the best) part was that I didn’t feel like fighting. One more signal and I would probably have dived right in. I don’t know. I am still perplexed. Meeting with enigmatic and powerful people that attract us in a supernatural way is sure a challenge. They pale our reality and arouse something inside that I didn’t know was there. As if I was stripped of all my layers, pretense didn’t even matter anymore because the invisible things got all the power. Being attracted to someone, longing for someone does not always have a logical explanation and just needs to be endured. And I am not sure how I am going to act next time I have a similar experience, but for now I am on a break. Just some vague memories and my dreams as a reminder...

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

What Truth is True?

A human soul must be the most complicated and complex phenomenon on Earth. Years of mistakes and erroneous decisions may pass before we find ourselves on the right track of finding our true meaning in life. Sometimes we may get a hint and start moving in the right direction, but many times we are not even close so we keep bumping into the walls or give up all together.

But as we try to unravel this most important puzzle of our lives and determine the purpose of our existence, we must support this existence because a body-to-feed is attached to this mysterious soul of ours. So we work hard, then we work harder, then we get dissolved in this whole work-pay-bills-plan-the-future routine. There’s no time to be wasted on philosophy – we talk career opportunities, innovative technologies, endless new gadgets and information overload. We turn into robots. We watch movies and read books that require no thinking, their primitive ideas are spread evenly onto our brains as cream cheese on a stale bagel. These no-brainer movies and shows are produced for our sheer amusement and barely ever contain a single solid idea to contemplate about. And there’s a reason to it: we are too busy with our work and too lazy because of all the new technology.

Sometimes it terrifies me to see how the evolution oversimplifies a human nature. There is so much to us – we are all multi-faceted individuals, so unique, each with their own set of talents and skills. But all the uniqueness gets pushed back because we need to keep up with the ever-accelerating pace of life. I miss the time of great movies and amazing books, when one single phrase would suddenly resonate inside of you, shake your whole world. Now I get frustrated that book after book I attempt to enjoy fail to stir any kind of emotion in me – as if someone has chewed the food before placing it in your mouth and all you have to do now is just swallow it. I miss ideas behind the words, searching some hidden meaning, solving riddles, making discoveries. Each morning when on a train I stare at meaningless faces and try to understand why is it that we should give up on living and start existing; why there’s no fire in the faded eyes…

There’s so much good in me that’s dying to come out yet I feel like an actor without the stage and the audience. This need to find an external expression to my inner world is reflected in the clothes I wear, the words I choose, the blogs I comment on. I don’t want to suppress my personality, I don’t want to escape my delusional world because as made up as it seems, it is still more real than the robotic reality surrounding me.I am filled with a whirlwood of emotions and daring ideas, and who said it's worse than to feel nothing. I want to celebrate every day of a meaningful existence, every shade of emotion, every unrealistic dream and every discovery I make about the complex phenomenon of my own human soul.
inside out - Free Blogger Templates, Free Wordpress Themes - by Templates para novo blogger HD TV Watch Shows Online. Unblock through myspace proxy unblock, Songs by Christian Guitar Chords