Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Another Random Post

I try to make sense of things, events, coincidences but connecting the dots seems as useless as picking and interpreting a random card from the deck. It can mean one thing, or another, or nothing at all.
If everybody finds their true self and follows their call, who will remain to sweep the streets and guard the prisoners?  Maybe it's not about a job after all, like a good actor is not about the roles he is given to play.
They say only what's inside matters but without the external events I have no story to tell, and without a story I'm nothing. So I let life shape me, I try on different faces and personalities; some grow onto me, others give me allergic reaction and I'm itching to shed them.
Sometimes we are forced to swim from one bank to another. And there's nothing you can do during those long laps but paddle with all your might to get to your destination faster. You could try to do some thinking about life in the process, but eventually you lose sight of how it ought to be until you feel the ground again under your feet.

I struggle to maintain a simple conversation because what matters to others seems pointless to me and I lack the energy to fake it. And what matters to me is too blurry and unreal to be expressed by words.
I am just a shadow these days desperate to attach myself to something real, something that will define me with real words. I want adjectives. And to be in someone's memories.
I wrap my apathy into a neat little package and shelve it along with a similar bunch from the past. I'm a fighter, I have it in me to push forward regardless my pain and despair, I'm wired to go on even when the fuel is almost out. And maybe life doesn't make much sense but until I'm withdrawn from it ,I will keep filling in the gaps with theories of my own making.


Thursday, March 14, 2013

My Way Forward Has Been Blocked

See Explanation.  Clicking on the picture will download
 the highest resolution version available.
I encountered the black hole.  I tried ignoring it but it was too big and too shockingly black not to notice. I tried walking around it, but it sucked in all the progress I have made. I attempted walking right through to come out at the other end but it spat me out, having awarded me a couple of bruises on top. Now all that I have left is to sit right in front of it and patiently wait till it dissolves. And in the mean time to heal all that it shattered inside of me along with the damage done by other, smaller black holes in my past. And once I do enough healing, and grow enough energy to attack and this time take over it, I will get up and give it my best, most determined attempt. And I will see that the black hole is gone like it was never there, and in its place there's a light-filled doorway through which I effortlessly walk in ...
Maybe these black holes appear on our way so as to prevent as from getting into the wrong realm? What if at this given period in life there's no single right option but a multitude of really bad ones, and we are better off stuck in the moment than get too deep and too far along the wrong path? And there's no gentle way to tell us to wait it out, till the sun spins the right number of times, until it's safe to proceed? Or maybe the answer is in the timing and then it's key to develop enough intuition to know with absolute clarity when the right moment comes to take the next step.
Until then I give my black hole one last look, suppressing my anger, paying my respects. And then I turn away from it and turn inward. It looks like I have work to do.
inside out - Free Blogger Templates, Free Wordpress Themes - by Templates para novo blogger HD TV Watch Shows Online. Unblock through myspace proxy unblock, Songs by Christian Guitar Chords