Tuesday, March 26, 2013

Another Random Post

I try to make sense of things, events, coincidences but connecting the dots seems as useless as picking and interpreting a random card from the deck. It can mean one thing, or another, or nothing at all.
If everybody finds their true self and follows their call, who will remain to sweep the streets and guard the prisoners?  Maybe it's not about a job after all, like a good actor is not about the roles he is given to play.
They say only what's inside matters but without the external events I have no story to tell, and without a story I'm nothing. So I let life shape me, I try on different faces and personalities; some grow onto me, others give me allergic reaction and I'm itching to shed them.
Sometimes we are forced to swim from one bank to another. And there's nothing you can do during those long laps but paddle with all your might to get to your destination faster. You could try to do some thinking about life in the process, but eventually you lose sight of how it ought to be until you feel the ground again under your feet.

I struggle to maintain a simple conversation because what matters to others seems pointless to me and I lack the energy to fake it. And what matters to me is too blurry and unreal to be expressed by words.
I am just a shadow these days desperate to attach myself to something real, something that will define me with real words. I want adjectives. And to be in someone's memories.
I wrap my apathy into a neat little package and shelve it along with a similar bunch from the past. I'm a fighter, I have it in me to push forward regardless my pain and despair, I'm wired to go on even when the fuel is almost out. And maybe life doesn't make much sense but until I'm withdrawn from it ,I will keep filling in the gaps with theories of my own making.


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