Love. So it looks like you are key to everything. I know I have you but where and why are you hiding? I already pledged before to make you the center of my life, but then I forgot and you haven't reminded me. Or you have? Through new obstacles and downturns?
I come back to you and your all-forgiving embrace, and feel calm and peaceful for some time. But then life pulls me away from you with force and I lose that precious connection again, I become a blind person without guidance, bumping into walls, hurting all over.
I'm tired of coming back to you through pain, of this constant separation, which - I know, I know - is nothing but an illusion on my side. You are always there for me, softly radiating, - so simple, so inviting. It's me who sometimes pretends like I don't see you, because I'm too confident that everything is under my control.
It's exhausting to just date you on and off, I want a real relationship, a marriage. I want serving you, being your tool to manifest what was scripted for me. I want to wake up every morning and feel your presence, like I feel the sun light through my so very sun-proof curtains. I want to breathe in love, and breathe out love. All I really need is to open my doors for you and refuse an impulse to shut them close out of fear, despair or loneliness.
There's no need to seek you because you are me, the best part of me in your perfection. I just need to let that side of me be, to stop resisting. Today I would like to let you know that I'm working very hard on connecting. But I have lots of bad habits that won't surrender that easy. Yet I'm on my way and any help will be appreciated.