Thursday, May 20, 2010

Coming Back from a Different World

I think I’ve been mixing up the reality with imaginary world for a while. On the other hand invisible doesn’t mean surreal – my perception of things and emotions felt very real to me, they are just not the kind to share… Any way coming back from a different world evoked some serious thinking – is there a way to combine two realities: the one that’s in my head and the one perceived not just by me but also by those around me. And I need to find a way otherwise it will haunt me as some unhealthy obsession. At one point I began to fear that I am losing my sanity but labeling anything out of ordinary as crazy is probably not the right solution. Let’s call it being different: some people look at a person from the standard set - name, age, occupation, hobbies, etc… I see way beyond this : I try to grasp the soul – feelings, emotions, fear, pain. I try to see right through the external shell and get to the core of it which I call the truth. It’s not subjective because it’s not thought over, it’s felt on the intuitive level and can hardly be explained.

What scared me the most these days is how seeing through people affected me emotionally, up to the point of shaking and almost suffocating. I wish I had the explanation. You meet someone’s gaze for a split second and begin to shake. You are hit by the power of one’s eyes. Having visions was an even bigger puzzle. Let’s say you keep a normal conversation with a person but on some parallel level the two of you in a tight hug - and you see both realities simultaneously. I am not afraid because the development of things cheers me up in a way, but I can clearly see that it’s hurting me too. I’ve been fighting the gravity that was pulling me with surprising power and the worst (or the best) part was that I didn’t feel like fighting. One more signal and I would probably have dived right in. I don’t know. I am still perplexed. Meeting with enigmatic and powerful people that attract us in a supernatural way is sure a challenge. They pale our reality and arouse something inside that I didn’t know was there. As if I was stripped of all my layers, pretense didn’t even matter anymore because the invisible things got all the power. Being attracted to someone, longing for someone does not always have a logical explanation and just needs to be endured. And I am not sure how I am going to act next time I have a similar experience, but for now I am on a break. Just some vague memories and my dreams as a reminder...


  1. Hi Aysel.
    Who is to say what reality is? We have been taught to look at things a certain way, but who is really to say?
    There is a lot of energy out there and most of us have shut ourselves down from noticing it, feeling it and when you are open you get information overload for sure.
    I now take care of what I let in, I protect myself NOT by shutting it down again but being careful with where I show up. Living in nature as I do is healing and I often stay home rather than expose myself to too much unfamiliar, good and bad.
    Take care of yourself by taking what you experience serious and doing what you feel is good for you, xox Wilma

  2. Hi Wilma,
    It feels unexpectedly pleasant to be heard and understood that well, for which I thank you. I started writing this blog as a way to cope with reality because things that bother me that most are those I could not share with anyone without the disappointment of being misunderstood. Finding words for some thoughts is a challenge (hence a lot of metaphoric writing), but spelling it out helps me move on.
    "There is a lot of energy out there and most of us have shut ourselves down from noticing it, feeling it and when you are open you get information overload for sure." - I wouldn't express it better. Now I need to think how to find that golden middle.


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