Monday, February 15, 2010

You Are Not Alone

I noticed that in your worst most desperate moments there will always be someone to come to your rescue. It’s like a helping hand is reaching out to grab you and pull you out just as you begin to sink too deep.

I remember living in the longest period of depression with no light visible at the end of the tunnel. I was sitting on a train taking me nowhere (I was actually going home from work), drowning in the darkest of my thoughts, oblivious to life around me. And there was this guy, whom I only met twice before at an employment agency, sitting in front of me on the same train. We spoke, he sounded friendly and attentive. He shyly invited me over to his place which was one stop after mine. I had no one waiting for me at home, so I accepted the invitation. We spoke for hours. He is a unique listener so I poured all the pain and misery out of my heart till I felt calm with emptiness. He made me tea; he even found me some vodka since I could use a drink (he never touches alcohol himself). He gave me advice, tried to find explanation why all those things were happening to me. He assured me that I could be happy. He walked me to the train station. He hugged me as we were waiting for a late night train, saying “your eyes are green”. It was dark, but I neared my face to his – and his eyes were green too…

I felt reborn after spending just a few hours with him. I thought I had a crush – which suddenly filled my life with new thoughts and dreams, distracting me from all the problems that seemed to be dominating my life just recently. We exchanged a few phone calls after that. We made several attempts to meet but every time something got in the way and either of us would cancel. I finally accepted it as a not-meant-to-happen fairytale and moved on.

A random encounter saved me that warm June night 8 years ago. Just as I was suffocating in a narrow cage hoping for nothing, the door was suddenly opened – so I fled to see the things I failed to notice before, to experience life in its new form. We may believe in a guardian angel, or the laws of Universe – it’s true that we are being watched. So many times in a difficult situation I would find the answer in a most unexpected way: a random book that “reads my heart”, a blog post where someone describes the same experience and offers a solution, a piece of advice from a stranger. All of it is meant to show that you are not alone and your silent cry for help will be heard and answered.

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