Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Looking In Your Eyes

You go on about life as usual: it’s mostly routine with some scheduled fun here and there. You’ve been through so much that it seems close to impossible to wow you. Even things that you supposedly should enjoy feel just OK. You walk outside in the morning and think: what a gorgeous day! You realize it, you experience it, but only half-feel it as if there is a heavy lock on your heart that lets out only this much of emotion. I remember 10 years ago a beautiful sunset would make me shiver: I could be so full of emotions that I felt like crying. Now even though I know it’s supposed to feel good, the feeling of happiness is not full, it’s half forced out.

But then there are these distinguishable moments, which happen unexpectedly and leave you dazzled long after. Moments of the most authentic happiness when the time stops – there is no past, no future, no thinking, no regrets, no external life other than this moment that fulfills you and dissolves you all at once. The utter realness of it is so above everything else you’ve ever experienced in your life. You want this moment to last forever because you know there is nothing like it “out there”, it’s like being transferred on another planet where absolute happiness is the ever-lasting state of things. When you feel like YOU, not what you are supposed to be, not what you thought you were, not the way you are perceived. You are no longer parts and pieces, there is perfect unity in your essence. The moment when you see yourself and you are perfect.Your moment of extraterrestrial happiness.

It will be over just like everything in this life. You will feel stunned and tranquil for some time, smiling at everyone with a puzzling distant smile. Part of you will still be in that moment, reliving every millisecond of it, but the other part has already plunged into your mundane reality. The effect of the moment will wear off, details will become blurry. But you know it was real, you were in it, you had it, you lived it. And it will stay with you forever as a reminder that miracles happen, that happiness is real. You will save it in your heart as a mini-sun, that will keep you warm on cold winter days.

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