Snow outside. Salt on my shoes. An ambiguous premonition all week long – something is going to happen. I look for signs, I check my e-mail more frequently, I watch the news – but I still don’t know what it is. But something is going to happen.
I think of all the wrong things. And people. I don’t know where I will be tomorrow. I wait for impossible things even as I swore a thousand times to let go.
I try to find what’s missing in the picture. Sometimes it feels like everything is missing, that it’s the wrong picture and I shouldn’t be in it. I am glad my son is with me to make it all real, so I can abort regrets and be grateful.
How are you supposed to defeat loneliness? You look into people’s faces as if begging “talk to me”, but they are too unemotional, empty, almost hostile, protective of their tiny dark caves called privacy. I want to connect but I close up instead. I am afraid to let anyone in because they always find a way to hurt you, or use you, or make you addicted and needy.
Believing in a better tomorrow is my biggest asset. I am so hopeful that it almost gives me wings. I am filled with curiosity, I can’t wait to peek what new adventure the future has in stock for me. I am an optimist after all.
This is the best way to be; "Believing in a better tomorrow is my biggest asset".
ReplyDeleteAnd believing in yourself, knowing that all the resources you need to stand tall in life are within you. We are not taught that, we are made dependent, we are not encouraged to find that strength inside, as most people haven't found that either and are therefore promoting dependency so that they will not be alone either.
To enjoy life I am learning that nothing is missing, we are always connected even if it doen't look like it or feel like it.
Great that you have an asset to know there is a better tomorrow and the better tomorrow lies in you. xox Wilma