To Be or Not to Be

If you make a mistake in life – somehow the situation repeats itself after a while, just when you thought it’s all forgotten. As if you are forced to relive it again but do it right this time. And you still feel tempted to do it wrong but this time you know about the consequences…

So I came up with two possible explanations. One is that the situation will keep repeating itself until you react properly and break the cycle. But the problem is that sometimes the right decision is unknown, it pretty much needs to be guessed – which puts us under the risk of making a few mistakes before we finally come to the right answer.

The second theory is that we cannot really change ourselves – we are what we are. But learning to accept ourselves is something that we need to do. When it finally happens, we are in control of the situation, we turn off the emotions and the right decision is right there on the surface. Pure logic. We will then be able to disengage ourselves from the situation, everything seems to be the same but we no longer care.

I don’t know what to believe. I want to do the right thing. But I don’t want to kill my emotions. I want to feel what I feel today even knowing that tomorrow will inevitably bring the pain. So next time the situation repeats itself, I am clueless where the victory will go to in the logic-vs.-heart battle.