Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Letter to the Universe

Dear Universe,

I am used to not asking, I’ve been accepting what you’ve given me so far, no matter how happy or unhappy I was. I believe I have enough common sense to understand that we can’t have it all good all the time, we are to encounter obstacles in this life, to learn our lessons.

Yet in the face of this big test I summoned my courage to get on my knees and ask: please let me pass it. I’m twisted by uncertainty knowing that it can be an easy thing, a not so easy but I-can-handle-it thing, or a big problem. I don’t know the outcome, by the law of average I should be all right, but imagining everything that can go wrong has driven me into the worst despair and panic, which have been eating me up for the past several days. It was a long journey, and it was never easy, always filled with doubts, battles, unpleasant decisions to make. I don’t remember if I asked for help, I just dealt with it and somehow everything worked out. But I want to ask for help, huge favor now. I need to pass. I need to get through this one last time and move on with my life as I always wanted it to be. Here. I tried to envision the devastation if … but I will stop right here. It has to work out, too much is at stake. I may bluff with fake bravery but I understand too well that this is the line I cannot cross.

I succumbed to the freezing dread, but I also kept hoping shyly. I do want to be more bold in my hopes, to believe that I deserve it.

Please give me your blessing that day, spare me luck and courage, help me be calm and believe in myself and the positive outcome. Take away my fear and instead fill me up with certainty that it will go well. Easy. Simple. With the victory granted. It is about my whole life and I believe that since I came into this world, my life matters, so does my happiness.

Please get me through this, let me pass the test, let me live the life of my choice at least in this aspect.

Yours truly,


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