Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Not Enough Words

The nonverbal brain knows things you haven't put in words.
What do you almost know? Let it come into your
awareness; speak it.
--Martha Beck
I've been thinking lately how much I feel inside, how many interesting thoughts are swarming in my head, and how inadequate is my ability to express any of it. Writing blog posts is a tremendously helpful channel to bring our inner life to the external world. Another favorite quote of mine on the subject by Gayle Brandeis - "We don't know what we know until we write it". I've had so many revelations about myself through writing: about the issues I didn't know I had, or the solutions to the challenges I've encountered.
Writing gives form to our seemingly shapeless, blurry pondering. But so does speaking. I wish I could add the depth to the conversations I'm having  with all sorts of people. I wish I could believe that I will find listeners as soon as I summon the courage to speak up, open up, disclose myself without holding back. I wish life hasn't taken away so many people I connected with and could share my thoughts with freely.
If everything is a lesson, then what am I to learn from this current void? Have my fears pushed these people away? Have I not tried hard enough to look for and initiate connection with those who I could call like-minded? For now I can only hope that everything will change as I'm learning to express myself on a new level - and maybe "listeners will follow". I should better start practicing voicing those sacred, intimate thoughts, even if just one a day, even though the walls are my only listeners.  

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