Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Deep Waters

Day-to-day activities. Small whirlpools that keep spinning fast yet barely leave any traces behind. Once the water dries - it’s like the spot was never wet. But we often let ourselves get caught up in these daily routines, award them more meaning than they are or deserve. We forget what’s important, pushing it back in our consciousness, confident that the day will come when things will slow down and we’ll have time to ponder. But on slow days we feel uncomfortable without the addictive routine to fill up space and time. When all this postponed thinking comes crashing – we panic. Too much to process, life that is too big to comprehend. It’s easier to shut the mind and keep all the noise out. Small life, small deeds, small thoughts…

Some days I succumb to the comfort of non-thinking, give myself completely to the busyness of the modern world. I push my limits and find myself on new levels: I think I evolve by letting the ever-evolving stream of life suck me in and push me forward. But there’s THE meaning that is above it all, the eternal truth that has nothing to do with where I am today or where I will be tomorrow. I always find it when I make an effort to stop. Because it’s always there, right in front of us, readily available whenever we cease playing games and drop all pretense.

It’s usually the big events that bring us back to truth: we unlearn to ignore it and open our eyes to see it, to face it. But once the emotions calm down, the catharsis is over, - we avoid the “eye-contact” again. We look but don’t really see, think but make no conclusions. I remind myself to pause and reconnect with my true inner-self, then I forget my own reminders and stay in shallow waters for months, avoiding depth. I forget that I can look with dignity, proceed with determination and speak with honesty and meaning: I forget to be myself...all the way...

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