Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Feeling Small

How do you fight the feeling of being too small? What do you do to proclaim to the world that you are so much bigger and keep growing, it’s just that much of that growth is invisible to the eye? With the innate urge to prove ourselves, to persuade others that we are worthy the air we breathe we still get caught in those moments when everything gets questioned: why sweat? who cares?

But when we quit the tiresome process of self-establishment, when we stop peering into the strangers’ eyes, begging silently “Believe in me!” a strange thing happens: we do become smaller. It’s as if some of our parts evaporate once they cease to be evaluated, judged, approved by others. Many of our essential qualities become atrophies if we are no longer willing to promote and share them with the rest of the world.

It’s easy to cling to your failures, past, current and future; to sulk; to feel masochistic satisfaction from being unappreciated. You can always seclude yourself in that small world of yours that you created by thoroughly assorting the constituents. Nothing will cause you pain, only comfort and peace. So you shrink without challenges, the aspiration to achieve, to win, to overcome obstacles. You are feeling so small because you deny yourself the opportunity to engage in the intricate commotion of external life.

You might feel naked when you display what’s inside, things you’ve been hiding forever, but keeping it all to yourself will eventually lead to their erosion due to lack of use. Come what may, good or bad, but share yourself with the world, show what you are, what you may become, feel as big as you were born to be.

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