What Am I Afraid To See Within?

(I came across this not-so-simple and thought-provoking question on Corinne's blog EveryDayGyaan and absolutely had to answer it for myself)

I know exactly why I’m afraid to look too deep inside: I know for sure I will discover that I can do so much more with my life, that I have powerful resources to make tremendous progress and achieve success on so many levels. My huge potential – a sleeping giant that I’m so afraid to disturb. We all have those resources as well as our fears that come with the package: moving forward always means leaving the comfort zone, having to deal with often unforeseen consequences. Our ambitions and aspirations are encircled by the fear to FAIL, which frequently prompts us to hit the brake just as we are ready to take off and explore what's been waiting beyond the horizon. So we come back to the safety of comfort zone, which eventually turns into a confinement cell, because what’s not progress is regress.

But there is more in the dismal mix: sometimes we are afraid of the future victories for we can’t always know what price we have to pay and what gets lost along the way. As you sprint toward the finish line you anticipate excitement, delight from the upcoming celebration, but you end up feeling desolate, washed-out, indifferent to the prize. Was it worth burning yourself out like that?

Oh, and how much we are afraid to lose right after we win ( I may get a better job but what if I get laid off, whereas this current job of mine I hate so much provides enough security…) How frantically scared we are to expose ourselves to imminent pain we associate with risk taking. Isn’t it safer to secure your positions, to shrink, to become less visible, to keep to yourself, keep distance? But you should ask yourself if avoiding pain is the best way to pursue happiness…

I am afraid to look within because I am bound to find my suppressed inner voice that, once liberated, will scream: you need to change! You need to set upon the path of transformation, it’s time to take action, there’s so much work to do and life is so short!

I still find courage to look inside even if sometimes it’s more like momentary peeking. I learned by now that life is not about all or nothing, black or white. No one can transform overnight, or build a perfect living – it’s a continuous and scary process. But I can still take baby steps guided by those little hints I uncover from the quests within. I don’t have to see and absorb the whole picture right away, I am pretty sure I would get overwhelmed by the magnitude, bigness of what’s in there. I can explore the inner castle of thoughts, ideas, wishes, beliefs and feelings room by room, always on the go, always moving forward.