I resented the new discomfort with all my heart. I pushed it away, I screamed inside my mind “I don’t want any of it!” All I really wanted was to maintain the status quo, to have my comfy life unchanged forever. Dreading how much I would be inconvenienced made my mind spin, blowing my fears out of proportion. I actually got really annoyed with myself this morning, when I realized that with all my excessive worrying I actually forgot to put snacks in my son’s schoolbag – boy, I am in trouble tonight!
My flexibility and open-mindedness were put to test and I wasn’t scoring too high. I told myself: A. you can handle it. B. It’s temporary C. you might actually enjoy it. Gradually I was building my way up from rejection to acceptance. I will embrace this inconvenience, this change; I can actually be pretty cool about it if I stop trying so hard. I will have no expectations, do minimal planning and just let things take their own course. I will fail less with poor planning than doing everything perfectly but with a disgruntled heart. I will stop creating and multiplying problems in my head, instead I will try to relax and actually enjoy what’s coming my way.
I am learning flexibility here! Once I tame that grouchy demon, I will loosen up and have some fun. And if tomorrow you tell me that the whole thing is canceled, I will be as relieved as disappointed.
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